A Day of Gratitude

Thirty Three years ago yesterday i came to, not awoke but came to, body reeling from the effects of long term alcohol poisoning. hands shaking, eyes yellowed, gut and soul dying. i had been out of work for months and stayed drunk all the time. A good friend gave me a job more out of pity than need. i had always been a good worker and took pride in my work. i was not a drunk if i could still work. Now the bottom was rushing up at me. i could not remain sober long enough in one day to get a day’s work done. My trembling hand and aching gut made doing finish work impossible.

So again half way through the day i left the job, a job that was way behind schedule and i had turned into a real mess. My friend came by and with great pain had to fire me, for that i give him no blame. i headed to a bar.

i had been invited to a St Paddy’s Day party by a long term friend who i greatly respected. This was a chance to drink with normal people who were celebrating in a normal way, something i had not done in a while. i came home to find only dirty clothes, i had not bathed in a while both symptoms of my demise. i got dressed in my cleanest dirty clothes and headed to the party, quite early. i recall getting there and looking through a glaze at people moving away from me repulsed. My old friend took me aside and told me to leave, this was hard for her i know (we later rekindled the friendship as did i with most of the people who understandably moved away from me)

i was of course outraged and headed to my favorite bar, a place i felt safe and would not be judged. i always had that safe feeling walking into this bar, a bar frequented by heavy drinkers. that is where the black out begins, ending with me in a State Patrol car receiving my umpteenth drunk arrest. As i was already on several layers of probation i knew this was going to end with me in jail for a long time.

i got home somehow and passed out. then in the middle of the night i awoke, surprisingly sober and clear. An force came over me that i had not known. Suddenly i saw, with great clarity, the course i should take and knew for the first time that i could get sober. The Lord spoke to me, ok more like reached down slapped the shit out of me bringing me to sanity. I have not had a drink since that life changing night.

So this morning i awoke to sunshine, loving friends, great adventures and a life one can only dream of. i had to chuckle at how ridiculously good my life is. Of all the options given to that trembling drunk 33 years ago this one was not conceivable.

Life since then has had its ups and downs for sure, but always with the knowledge that if i stay sober it will all work out and it has. i have grown on spiritual lines enough to know that i must keep growing, that the quest is never ending.

So today i am full of gratitude, grateful for my early and low bottom which then gave me a life of joy. Grateful for the life i am living, the friends, the incredible journey and the ability to live it sober.